The Comedy of Errors - Entire Play
Download The Comedy of Errors
Last updated: Wed, Oct 04, 2017
- PDF Download as PDF
- DOC (for MS Word, Apple Pages, Open Office, etc.) without line numbers Download as DOC (for MS Word, Apple Pages, Open Office, etc.) without line numbers
- DOC (for MS Word, Apple Pages, Open Office, etc.) with line numbers Download as DOC (for MS Word, Apple Pages, Open Office, etc.) with line numbers
- HTML Download as HTML
- TXT Download as TXT
- XML Download as XML
- TEISimple XML (annotated with MorphAdorner for part-of-speech analysis) Download as TEISimple XML (annotated with MorphAdorner for part-of-speech analysis)
Navigate this work
The Comedy of Errors - Entire PlaySynopsis:
Set in the city of Ephesus, The Comedy of Errors concerns the farcical misadventures of two sets of identical twins. Many years earlier, the Syracusan merchant Egeon had twin sons, both named Antipholus. At their birth, he bought another pair of newborn twins, both named Dromio, as their servants. In a shipwreck, Egeon lost his wife, one of his sons, and one of the Dromios.
Egeon’s remaining son, Antipholus of Syracuse, and his servant, Dromio of Syracuse, come to Ephesus, where—unknown to them—their lost twins now live. The visitors are confused, angered, or intrigued when local residents seem to know them.
Similarly, Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus run into puzzling reactions from the people they know—who have been dealing, unwittingly, with the Syracusans. Antipholus of Ephesus’s wife bars him from his house; he is jailed after a jeweler claims he owes money on a gold chain he never received.
When the four twins come together, all is finally resolved. In one last twist, their parents reunite as well.
Merchant of Syracuse, Jailer, and other Attendants.
EGEON
0001 Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall,
0002 And by the doom of death end woes and all.
DUKE
0003 Merchant of Syracusa, plead no more.
0004 I am not partial to infringe our laws.
0005 5 The enmity and discord which of late
0006 Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke
0007 To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen,
0008 Who, wanting guilders to redeem their lives,
0009 Have sealed his rigorous statutes with their bloods,
0010 10 Excludes all pity from our threat’ning looks.
0011 For since the mortal and intestine jars
0012 ’Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us,
0013 It hath in solemn synods been decreed,
0014 Both by the Syracusians and ourselves,
0015 15 To admit no traffic to our adverse towns.
0016 Nay, more, if any born at Ephesus
0017 Be seen at Syracusian marts and fairs;
0018 Again, if any Syracusian born
0019 Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies,
0020 20 His goods confiscate to the Duke’s dispose,
0022 To quit the penalty and to ransom him.
0023 Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,
0024 Cannot amount unto a hundred marks;
0025 25 Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.
EGEON
0026 Yet this my comfort: when your words are done,
0027 My woes end likewise with the evening sun.
DUKE
0028 Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause
0029 Why thou departedst from thy native home
0030 30 And for what cause thou cam’st to Ephesus.
EGEON
0031 A heavier task could not have been imposed
0032 Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable;
0033 Yet, that the world may witness that my end
0034 Was wrought by nature, not by vile offense,
0035 35 I’ll utter what my sorrow gives me leave.
0036 In Syracusa was I born, and wed
0037 Unto a woman happy but for me,
0038 And by me, had not our hap been bad.
0039 With her I lived in joy. Our wealth increased
0040 40 By prosperous voyages I often made
0041 To Epidamium, till my factor’s death
0042 And ⌜the⌝ great care of goods at random left
0043 Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse;
0044 From whom my absence was not six months old
0045 45 Before herself—almost at fainting under
0046 The pleasing punishment that women bear—
0047 Had made provision for her following me
0048 And soon and safe arrivèd where I was.
0049 There had she not been long but she became
0050 50 A joyful mother of two goodly sons,
0051 And, which was strange, the one so like the other
0052 As could not be distinguished but by names.
0054 A mean woman was deliverèd
0055 55 Of such a burden, male twins, both alike.
0056 Those, for their parents were exceeding poor,
0057 I bought and brought up to attend my sons.
0058 My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,
0059 Made daily motions for our home return.
0060 60 Unwilling, I agreed. Alas, too soon
0061 We came aboard.
0062 A league from Epidamium had we sailed
0063 Before the always-wind-obeying deep
0064 Gave any tragic instance of our harm;
0065 65 But longer did we not retain much hope,
0066 For what obscurèd light the heavens did grant
0067 Did but convey unto our fearful minds
0068 A doubtful warrant of immediate death,
0069 Which though myself would gladly have embraced,
0070 70 Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,
0071 Weeping before for what she saw must come,
0072 And piteous plainings of the pretty babes,
0073 That mourned for fashion, ignorant what to fear,
0074 Forced me to seek delays for them and me.
0075 75 And this it was, for other means was none:
0076 The sailors sought for safety by our boat
0077 And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us.
0078 My wife, more careful for the latter-born,
0079 Had fastened him unto a small spare mast,
0080 80 Such as seafaring men provide for storms.
0081 To him one of the other twins was bound,
0082 Whilst I had been like heedful of the other.
0083 The children thus disposed, my wife and I,
0084 Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fixed,
0085 85 Fastened ourselves at either end the mast
0086 And, floating straight, obedient to the stream,
0087 Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.
0089 Dispersed those vapors that offended us,
0090 90 And by the benefit of his wished light
0091 The seas waxed calm, and we discoverèd
0092 Two ships from far, making amain to us,
0093 Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this.
0094 But ere they came—O, let me say no more!
0095 95 Gather the sequel by that went before.
DUKE
0096 Nay, forward, old man. Do not break off so,
0097 For we may pity though not pardon thee.
EGEON
0098 O, had the gods done so, I had not now
0099 Worthily termed them merciless to us.
0100 100 For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues,
0101 We were encountered by a mighty rock,
0102 Which being violently borne ⌜upon,⌝
0103 Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;
0104 So that, in this unjust divorce of us,
0105 105 Fortune had left to both of us alike
0106 What to delight in, what to sorrow for.
0107 Her part, poor soul, seeming as burdenèd
0108 With lesser weight, but not with lesser woe,
0109 Was carried with more speed before the wind,
0110 110 And in our sight they three were taken up
0111 By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.
0112 At length, another ship had seized on us
0113 And, knowing whom it was their hap to save,
0114 Gave healthful welcome to their shipwracked guests,
0115 115 And would have reft the fishers of their prey
0116 Had not their ⌜bark⌝ been very slow of sail;
0117 And therefore homeward did they bend their course.
0118 Thus have you heard me severed from my bliss,
0119 That by misfortunes was my life prolonged
0120 120 To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.
0121 And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,
0122 Do me the favor to dilate at full
0123 What have befall’n of them and ⌜thee⌝ till now.
EGEON
0124 My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care,
0125 125 At eighteen years became inquisitive
0126 After his brother, and importuned me
0127 That his attendant—so his case was like,
0128 Reft of his brother, but retained his name—
0129 Might bear him company in the quest of him,
0130 130 Whom whilst I labored of a love to see,
0131 I hazarded the loss of whom I loved.
0132 Five summers have I spent in farthest Greece,
0133 Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,
0134 And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus,
0135 135 Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought
0136 Or that or any place that harbors men.
0137 But here must end the story of my life;
0138 And happy were I in my timely death
0139 Could all my travels warrant me they live.
DUKE
0140 140 Hapless Egeon, whom the fates have marked
0141 To bear the extremity of dire mishap,
0142 Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,
0143 Against my crown, my oath, my dignity,
0144 Which princes, would they, may not disannul,
0145 145 My soul should sue as advocate for thee.
0146 But though thou art adjudgèd to the death,
0147 And passèd sentence may not be recalled
0148 But to our honor’s great disparagement,
0149 Yet will I favor thee in what I can.
0150 150 Therefore, merchant, I’ll limit thee this day
0151 To seek thy ⌜life⌝ by beneficial help.
0152 Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;
0153 Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,
0155 155 Jailer, take him to thy custody.
JAILER 0156 I will, my lord.
EGEON
0157 Hopeless and helpless doth Egeon wend,
0158 But to procrastinate his lifeless end.
They exit.
Dromio ⌜of Syracuse.⌝
⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT
0159 Therefore give out you are of Epidamium,
0160 Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
0161 This very day a Syracusian merchant
0162 Is apprehended for arrival here
0163 5 And, not being able to buy out his life,
0164 According to the statute of the town
0165 Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
0166 There is your money that I had to keep.
⌜He gives money.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, handing money to Dromio⌝
0167 Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,
0168 10 And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
0169 Within this hour it will be dinnertime.
0170 Till that, I’ll view the manners of the town,
0171 Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,
0172 And then return and sleep within mine inn,
0173 15 For with long travel I am stiff and weary.
0174 Get thee away.
DROMIO ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0175 Many a man would take you at your word
0176 And go indeed, having so good a mean.
Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ exits.
0177 A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,
0178 20 When I am dull with care and melancholy,
0179 Lightens my humor with his merry jests.
0180 What, will you walk with me about the town
0181 And then go to my inn and dine with me?
⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT
0182 I am invited, sir, to certain merchants,
0183 25 Of whom I hope to make much benefit.
0184 I crave your pardon. Soon at five o’clock,
0185 Please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart
0186 And afterward consort you till bedtime.
0187 My present business calls me from you now.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0188 30 Farewell till then. I will go lose myself
0189 And wander up and down to view the city.
⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT
0190 Sir, I commend you to your own content.⌜He exits.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0191 He that commends me to mine own content
0192 Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
0193 35 I to the world am like a drop of water
0194 That in the ocean seeks another drop,
0195 Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
0196 Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself.
0197 So I, to find a mother and a brother,
0198 40 In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.
Enter Dromio of Ephesus.
0199 Here comes the almanac of my true date.—
0200 What now? How chance thou art returned so soon?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0201 Returned so soon? Rather approached too late!
0202 The capon burns; the pig falls from the spit;
0203 45 The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;
0204 My mistress made it one upon my cheek.
0206 The meat is cold because you come not home;
0207 You come not home because you have no stomach;
0208 50 You have no stomach, having broke your fast.
0209 But we that know what ’tis to fast and pray
0210 Are penitent for your default today.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0211 Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray:
0212 Where have you left the money that I gave you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0213 55 O, sixpence that I had o’ Wednesday last
0214 To pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper?
0215 The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0216 I am not in a sportive humor now.
0217 Tell me, and dally not: where is the money?
0218 60 We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust
0219 So great a charge from thine own custody?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0220 I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at dinner.
0221 I from my mistress come to you in post;
0222 If I return, I shall be post indeed,
0223 65 For she will scour your fault upon my pate.
0224 Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your
0225 ⌜clock,⌝
0226 And strike you home without a messenger.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0227 Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season.
0228 70 Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.
0229 Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0230 To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me!
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0231 Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
0232 And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
0233 75 My charge was but to fetch you from the mart
0234 Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner.
0235 My mistress and her sister stays for you.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0236 Now, as I am a Christian, answer me
0237 In what safe place you have bestowed my money,
0238 80 Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
0239 That stands on tricks when I am undisposed.
0240 Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0241 I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
0242 Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders,
0243 85 But not a thousand marks between you both.
0244 If I should pay your Worship those again,
0245 Perchance you will not bear them patiently.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0246 Thy mistress’ marks? What mistress, slave, hast
0247 thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0248 90 Your Worship’s wife, my mistress at the Phoenix,
0249 She that doth fast till you come home to dinner
0250 And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, beating Dromio⌝
0251 What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
0252 Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0253 95 What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your
0254 hands.
0255 Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels.
Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus exits.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0256 Upon my life, by some device or other
0257 The villain is ⌜o’erraught⌝ of all my money.
0258 100 They say this town is full of cozenage,
0259 As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
0261 Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
0262 Disguisèd cheaters, prating mountebanks,
0263 105 And many suchlike liberties of sin.
0264 If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
0265 I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave.
0266 I greatly fear my money is not safe.
He exits.
Luciana, her sister.
ADRIANA
0267 Neither my husband nor the slave returned
0268 That in such haste I sent to seek his master?
0269 Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.
LUCIANA
0270 Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
0271 5 And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.
0272 Good sister, let us dine, and never fret.
0273 A man is master of his liberty;
0274 Time is their master, and when they see time
0275 They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.
ADRIANA
0276 10 Why should their liberty than ours be more?
LUCIANA
0277 Because their business still lies out o’ door.
ADRIANA
0278 Look when I serve him so, he takes it ⌜ill.⌝
LUCIANA
0279 O, know he is the bridle of your will.
ADRIANA
0280 There’s none but asses will be bridled so.
LUCIANA
0281 15 Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.
0283 But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky.
0284 The beasts, the fishes, and the wingèd fowls
0285 Are their males’ subjects and at their controls.
0286 20 Man, more divine, the master of all these,
0287 Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas,
0288 Endued with intellectual sense and souls,
0289 Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,
0290 Are masters to their females, and their lords.
0291 25 Then let your will attend on their accords.
ADRIANA
0292 This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
LUCIANA
0293 Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.
ADRIANA
0294 But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
LUCIANA
0295 Ere I learn love, I’ll practice to obey.
ADRIANA
0296 30 How if your husband start some otherwhere?
LUCIANA
0297 Till he come home again, I would forbear.
ADRIANA
0298 Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause;
0299 They can be meek that have no other cause.
0300 A wretched soul bruised with adversity
0301 35 We bid be quiet when we hear it cry,
0302 But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
0303 As much or more we should ourselves complain.
0304 So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
0305 With urging helpless patience would relieve me;
0306 40 But if thou live to see like right bereft,
0307 This fool-begged patience in thee will be left.
LUCIANA
0308 Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
0309 Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh.
ADRIANA
0310 Say, is your tardy master now at hand?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 0311 45Nay, he’s at two hands with me,
0312 and that my two ears can witness.
ADRIANA
0313 Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his
0314 mind?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0315 Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear.
0316 50 Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
LUCIANA 0317 Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel
0318 his meaning?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 0319 Nay, he struck so plainly I could
0320 too well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully
0321 55 that I could scarce understand them.
ADRIANA
0322 But say, I prithee, is he coming home?
0323 It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0324 Why, mistress, sure my master is horn mad.
ADRIANA
0325 Horn mad, thou villain?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 0326 60 I mean not cuckold mad,
0327 But sure he is stark mad.
0328 When I desired him to come home to dinner,
0329 He asked me for a ⌜thousand⌝ marks in gold.
0330 “’Tis dinnertime,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
0331 65 “Your meat doth burn,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth
0332 he.
0333 “Will you come?” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
0334 “Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?”
0335 “The pig,” quoth I, “is burned.” “My gold,” quoth
0336 70 he.
0338 I know not thy mistress. Out on thy mistress!”
LUCIANA 0339 Quoth who?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 0340 Quoth my master.
0341 75 “I know,” quoth he, “no house, no wife, no
0342 mistress.”
0343 So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
0344 I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders,
0345 For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
ADRIANA
0346 80 Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0347 Go back again and be new beaten home?
0348 For God’s sake, send some other messenger.
ADRIANA
0349 Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0350 And he will bless that cross with other beating.
0351 85 Between you, I shall have a holy head.
ADRIANA
0352 Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0353 Am I so round with you as you with me,
0354 That like a football you do spurn me thus?
0355 You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither.
0356 90 If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
⌜He exits.⌝
LUCIANA
0357 Fie, how impatience loureth in your face.
ADRIANA
0358 His company must do his minions grace,
0359 Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
0360 Hath homely age th’ alluring beauty took
0361 95 From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it.
0362 Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit?
0363 If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,
0365 Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
0366 100 That’s not my fault; he’s master of my state.
0367 What ruins are in me that can be found
0368 By him not ruined? Then is he the ground
0369 Of my defeatures. My decayèd fair
0370 A sunny look of his would soon repair.
0371 105 But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
0372 And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale.
LUCIANA
0373 Self-harming jealousy, fie, beat it hence.
ADRIANA
0374 Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
0375 I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
0376 110 Or else what lets it but he would be here?
0377 Sister, you know he promised me a chain.
0378 Would that alone o’ love he would detain,
0379 So he would keep fair quarter with his bed.
0380 I see the jewel best enamelèd
0381 115 Will lose his beauty. Yet the gold bides still
0382 That others touch, and often touching will
0383 ⌜Wear⌝ gold; ⌜yet⌝ no man that hath a name
0384 By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
0385 Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
0386 120 I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die.
LUCIANA
0387 How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
⌜They⌝ exit.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0388 The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
0389 Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave
0391 By computation and mine host’s report,
0392 5 I could not speak with Dromio since at first
0393 I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.
0394 How now, sir? Is your merry humor altered?
0395 As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
0396 You know no Centaur? You received no gold?
0397 10 Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
0398 My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,
0399 That thus so madly thou didst answer me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0400 What answer, sir? When spake I such a word?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0401 Even now, even here, not half an hour since.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0402 15 I did not see you since you sent me hence,
0403 Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0404 Villain, thou didst deny the gold’s receipt
0405 And told’st me of a mistress and a dinner,
0406 For which I hope thou felt’st I was displeased.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0407 20 I am glad to see you in this merry vein.
0408 What means this jest, I pray you, master, tell me?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0409 Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?
0410 Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that and that.
Beats Dromio.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0411 Hold, sir, for God’s sake! Now your jest is earnest.
0412 25 Upon what bargain do you give it me?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0413 Because that I familiarly sometimes
0414 Do use you for my fool and chat with you,
0416 And make a common of my serious hours.
0417 30 When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport,
0418 But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
0419 If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
0420 And fashion your demeanor to my looks,
0421 Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0422 35“Sconce” call you it? So you
0423 would leave battering, I had rather have it a
0424 “head.” An you use these blows long, I must get a
0425 sconce for my head and ensconce it too, or else I
0426 shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray, sir,
0427 40 why am I beaten?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0428 Dost thou not know?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0429 Nothing, sir, but that I am
0430 beaten.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0431 Shall I tell you why?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0432 45Ay, sir, and wherefore, for they
0433 say every why hath a wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0434 “Why” first: for flouting
0435 me; and then “wherefore”: for urging it the second
0436 time to me.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0437 50 Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,
0438 When in the “why” and the “wherefore” is neither
0439 rhyme nor reason?
0440 Well, sir, I thank you.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0441 Thank me, sir, for what?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0442 55Marry, sir, for this something
0443 that you gave me for nothing.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0444 I’ll make you amends next,
0445 to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it
0446 dinnertime?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0447 60No, sir, I think the meat wants
0448 that I have.
0450 that?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0451 Basting.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0452 65Well, sir, then ’twill be dry.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0453 If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of
0454 it.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0455 Your reason?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0456 Lest it make you choleric and
0457 70 purchase me another dry basting.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0458 Well, sir, learn to jest in
0459 good time. There’s a time for all things.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0460 I durst have denied that before
0461 you were so choleric.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0462 75By what rule, sir?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0463 Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as
0464 the plain bald pate of Father Time himself.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0465 Let’s hear it.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0466 There’s no time for a man to
0467 80 recover his hair that grows bald by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0468 May he not do it by fine and
0469 recovery?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0470 Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig,
0471 and recover the lost hair of another man.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0472 85Why is Time such a niggard
0473 of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0474 Because it is a blessing that he
0475 bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted ⌜men⌝
0476 in hair, he hath given them in wit.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0477 90Why, but there’s many a
0478 man hath more hair than wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0479 Not a man of those but he hath
0480 the wit to lose his hair.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0481 Why, thou didst conclude
0482 95 hairy men plain dealers without wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0483 The plainer dealer, the sooner
0484 lost. Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0486 For two, and sound ones too.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0487 100Nay, not sound, I pray you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0488 Sure ones, then.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0489 Nay, not sure, in a thing
0490 falsing.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0491 Certain ones, then.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0492 105Name them.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0493 The one, to save the money that
0494 he spends in ⌜tiring;⌝ the other, that at dinner they
0495 should not drop in his porridge.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0496 You would all this time
0497 110 have proved there is no time for all things.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0498 Marry, and did, sir: namely, e’en
0499 no time to recover hair lost by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0500 But your reason was not
0501 substantial why there is no time to recover.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0502 115Thus I mend it: Time himself is
0503 bald and therefore, to the world’s end, will have
0504 bald followers.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0505 I knew ’twould be a bald
0506 conclusion. But soft, who wafts us yonder?
Enter Adriana, ⌜beckoning them,⌝ and Luciana.
ADRIANA
0507 120 Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown.
0508 Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects.
0509 I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
0510 The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow
0511 That never words were music to thine ear,
0512 125 That never object pleasing in thine eye,
0513 That never touch well welcome to thy hand,
0514 That never meat sweet-savored in thy taste,
0515 Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to
0516 thee.
0517 130 How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it
0519 “Thyself” I call it, being strange to me,
0520 That, undividable, incorporate,
0521 Am better than thy dear self’s better part.
0522 135 Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!
0523 For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall
0524 A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
0525 And take unmingled thence that drop again
0526 Without addition or diminishing,
0527 140 As take from me thyself and not me too.
0528 How dearly would it touch thee to the quick,
0529 Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious
0530 And that this body, consecrate to thee,
0531 By ruffian lust should be contaminate!
0532 145 Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,
0533 And hurl the name of husband in my face,
0534 And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow,
0535 And from my false hand cut the wedding ring,
0536 And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?
0537 150 I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it.
0538 I am possessed with an adulterate blot;
0539 My blood is mingled with the crime of lust;
0540 For if we two be one, and thou play false,
0541 I do digest the poison of thy flesh,
0542 155 Being strumpeted by thy contagion.
0543 Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed,
0544 I live distained, thou undishonorèd.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0545 Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not.
0546 In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
0547 160 As strange unto your town as to your talk,
0548 Who, every word by all my wit being scanned,
0549 Wants wit in all one word to understand.
LUCIANA
0550 Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you!
0552 165 She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 0553 By Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0554 By me?
ADRIANA
0555 By thee; and this thou didst return from him:
0556 That he did buffet thee and, in his blows,
0557 170 Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0558 Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?
0559 What is the course and drift of your compact?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0560 I, sir? I never saw her till this time.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0561 Villain, thou liest, for even her very words
0562 175 Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0563 I never spake with her in all my life.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0564 How can she thus then call us by our names—
0565 Unless it be by inspiration?
ADRIANA
0566 How ill agrees it with your gravity
0567 180 To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
0568 Abetting him to thwart me in my mood.
0569 Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,
0570 But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
0571 Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine.
⌜She takes his arm.⌝
0572 185 Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,
0573 Whose weakness, married to thy ⌜stronger⌝ state,
0574 Makes me with thy strength to communicate.
0575 If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
0576 Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss,
0577 190 Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
0578 Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.
0579 To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme.
0580 What, was I married to her in my dream?
0581 Or sleep I now and think I hear all this?
0582 195 What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?
0583 Until I know this sure uncertainty
0584 I’ll entertain the ⌜offered⌝ fallacy.
LUCIANA
0585 Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0586 O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.
⌜He crosses himself.⌝
0587 200 This is the fairy land. O spite of spites!
0588 We talk with goblins, owls, and sprites.
0589 If we obey them not, this will ensue:
0590 They’ll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.
LUCIANA
0591 Why prat’st thou to thyself and answer’st not?
0592 205 Dromio—thou, Dromio—thou snail, thou slug,
0593 thou sot.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0594 I am transformèd, master, am I not?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0595 I think thou art in mind, and so am I.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0596 Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
0597 210 Thou hast thine own form.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0598 No, I am an ape.
LUCIANA
0599 If thou art changed to aught, ’tis to an ass.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0600 ’Tis true. She rides me, and I long for grass.
0601 ’Tis so. I am an ass; else it could never be
0602 215 But I should know her as well as she knows me.
0603 Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
0604 To put the finger in the eye and weep
0605 Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn.
0606 Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep the gate.—
0607 220 Husband, I’ll dine above with you today,
0608 And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
0609 ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
0610 Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.—
0611 Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, aside⌝
0612 225 Am I in Earth, in heaven, or in hell?
0613 Sleeping or waking, mad or well-advised?
0614 Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
0615 I’ll say as they say, and persever so,
0616 And in this mist at all adventures go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0617 230 Master, shall I be porter at the gate?
ADRIANA
0618 Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
LUCIANA
0619 Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.
⌜They exit.⌝
the goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0620 Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
0621 My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.
0622 Say that I lingered with you at your shop
0623 To see the making of her carcanet,
0624 5 And that tomorrow you will bring it home.
0625 But here’s a villain that would face me down
0626 He met me on the mart, and that I beat him
0627 And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
0628 And that I did deny my wife and house.—
0629 10 Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0630 Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know.
0631 That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to
0632 show;
0633 If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave
0634 15 were ink,
0635 Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0636 I think thou art an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 0637 Marry, so it doth appear
0638 By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
0640 You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0641 You’re sad, Signior Balthasar. Pray God our cheer
0642 May answer my goodwill and your good welcome
0643 here.
BALTHASAR
0644 25 I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome
0645 dear.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0646 O Signior Balthasar, either at flesh or fish
0647 A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty
0648 dish.
BALTHASAR
0649 30 Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0650 And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but
0651 words.
BALTHASAR
0652 Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry
0653 feast.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0654 35 Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest.
0655 But though my cates be mean, take them in good
0656 part.
0657 Better cheer may you have, but not with better
0658 heart.⌜He attempts to open the door.⌝
0659 40 But soft! My door is locked. ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Go, bid
0660 them let us in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0661 Maud, Bridget, Marian, Ciceley, Gillian, Ginn!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0662 Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!
0663 Either get thee from the door or sit down at the
0664 45 hatch.
0666 such store
0667 When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the
0668 door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0669 50 What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
0670 the street.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0671 Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch
0672 cold on ’s feet.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0673 Who talks within there? Ho, open the door.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0674 55 Right, sir, I’ll tell you when an you’ll tell me
0675 wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0676 Wherefore? For my dinner. I have not dined today.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0677 Nor today here you must not. Come again when you
0678 may.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0679 60 What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I
0680 owe?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0681 The porter for this time, sir, and my name is
0682 Dromio.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0683 O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my
0684 65 name!
0685 The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle
0686 blame.
0687 If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
0688 Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or
0689 70 thy name for an ass.
and his company.⌝
LUCE
0690 What a coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the
0691 gate?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0692 Let my master in, Luce.
LUCE 0693 Faith, no, he comes too late,
0694 75 And so tell your master.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 0695 O Lord, I must laugh.
0696 Have at you with a proverb: shall I set in my staff?
LUCE
0697 Have at you with another: that’s—When, can you
0698 tell?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0699 80 If thy name be called “Luce,” Luce, thou hast
0700 answered him well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝
0701 Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope?
LUCE
0702 I thought to have asked you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ 0703 And you said no.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0704 85 So, come help. Well struck! There was blow for
0705 blow.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝
0706 Thou baggage, let me in.
LUCE 0707 Can you tell for whose sake?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0708 Master, knock the door hard.
LUCE 0709 90 Let him knock till it ache.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0710 You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
⌜He beats on the door.⌝
0711 What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the
0712 town?
Enter Adriana, ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus
and his company.⌝
ADRIANA
0713 Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0714 95 By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly
0715 boys.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0716 Are you there, wife? You might have come before.
ADRIANA
0717 Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.
⌜Adriana and Luce exit.⌝
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0718 If you went in pain, master, this knave would go
0719 100 sore.
ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
0720 Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome. We would
0721 fain have either.
BALTHASAR
0722 In debating which was best, we shall part with
0723 neither.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0724 105 They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome
0725 hither.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0726 There is something in the wind, that we cannot get
0727 in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0728 You would say so, master, if your garments were
0729 110 thin.
0730 Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in
0731 the cold.
0733 bought and sold.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0734 115 Go, fetch me something. I’ll break ope the gate.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0735 Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s
0736 pate.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0737 A man may break a word with ⌜you,⌝ sir, and words
0738 are but wind,
0739 120 Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not
0740 behind.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0741 It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0742 Here’s too much “Out upon thee!” I pray thee, let
0743 me in.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0744 125 Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no
0745 fin.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝
0746 Well, I’ll break in. Go, borrow me a crow.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0747 A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
0748 For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a
0749 130 feather.—
0750 If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow
0751 together.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0752 Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.
BALTHASAR
0753 Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so.
0754 135 Herein you war against your reputation,
0755 And draw within the compass of suspect
0756 Th’ unviolated honor of your wife.
0757 Once this: your long experience of ⌜her⌝ wisdom,
0759 140 Plead on ⌜her⌝ part some cause to you unknown.
0760 And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
0761 Why at this time the doors are made against you.
0762 Be ruled by me; depart in patience,
0763 And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
0764 145 And about evening come yourself alone
0765 To know the reason of this strange restraint.
0766 If by strong hand you offer to break in
0767 Now in the stirring passage of the day,
0768 A vulgar comment will be made of it;
0769 150 And that supposèd by the common rout
0770 Against your yet ungallèd estimation
0771 That may with foul intrusion enter in
0772 And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
0773 For slander lives upon succession,
0774 155 Forever housèd where it gets possession.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0775 You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet
0776 And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
0777 I know a wench of excellent discourse,
0778 Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle.
0779 160 There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
0780 My wife—but, I protest, without desert—
0781 Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal;
0782 To her will we to dinner. ⌜To Angelo.⌝ Get you home
0783 And fetch the chain; by this, I know, ’tis made.
0784 165 Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,
0785 For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow—
0786 Be it for nothing but to spite my wife—
0787 Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.
0788 Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
0789 170 I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.
ANGELO
0790 I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.
0791 Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
They exit.
⌜LUCIANA⌝
0792 And may it be that you have quite forgot
0793 A husband’s office? Shall, Antipholus,
0794 Even in the spring of love thy love-springs rot?
0795 Shall love, in ⌜building,⌝ grow so ⌜ruinous?⌝
0796 5 If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
0797 Then for her wealth’s sake use her with more
0798 kindness.
0799 Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth —
0800 Muffle your false love with some show of
0801 10 blindness.
0802 Let not my sister read it in your eye;
0803 Be not thy tongue thy own shame’s orator;
0804 Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;
0805 Apparel vice like virtue’s harbinger.
0806 15 Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted.
0807 Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint.
0808 Be secret-false. What need she be acquainted?
0809 What simple thief brags of his own ⌜attaint?⌝
0810 ’Tis double wrong to truant with your bed
0811 20 And let her read it in thy looks at board.
0812 Shame hath a bastard fame, well managèd;
0813 Ill deeds is doubled with an evil word.
0814 Alas, poor women, make us ⌜but⌝ believe,
0815 Being compact of credit, that you love us.
0816 25 Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
0817 We in your motion turn, and you may move us.
0819 Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her ⌜wife.⌝
0820 ’Tis holy sport to be a little vain
0821 30 When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0822 Sweet mistress—what your name is else I know not,
0823 Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine—
0824 Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
0825 Than our Earth’s wonder, more than Earth divine.
0826 35 Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak.
0827 Lay open to my earthy gross conceit,
0828 Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
0829 The folded meaning of your words’ deceit.
0830 Against my soul’s pure truth why labor you
0831 40 To make it wander in an unknown field?
0832 Are you a god? Would you create me new?
0833 Transform me, then, and to your power I’ll yield.
0834 But if that I am I, then well I know
0835 Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
0836 45 Nor to her bed no homage do I owe.
0837 Far more, far more, to you do I decline.
0838 O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note
0839 To drown me in thy ⌜sister’s⌝ flood of tears.
0840 Sing, Siren, for thyself, and I will dote.
0841 50 Spread o’er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
0842 And as a ⌜bed⌝ I’ll take ⌜them⌝ and there lie,
0843 And in that glorious supposition think
0844 He gains by death that hath such means to die.
0845 Let love, being light, be drownèd if she sink.
LUCIANA
0846 55 What, are you mad that you do reason so?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0847 Not mad, but mated—how, I do not know.
LUCIANA
0848 It is a fault that springeth from your eye.
0849 For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.
LUCIANA
0850 Gaze when you should, and that will clear your
0851 60 sight.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0852 As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.
LUCIANA
0853 Why call you me “love”? Call my sister so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0854 Thy sister’s sister.
LUCIANA 0855 That’s my sister.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0856 65 No,
0857 It is thyself, mine own self’s better part,
0858 Mine eye’s clear eye, my dear heart’s dearer heart,
0859 My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope’s aim,
0860 My sole Earth’s heaven, and my heaven’s claim.
LUCIANA
0861 70 All this my sister is, or else should be.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0862 Call thyself “sister,” sweet, for I am thee.
0863 Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life;
0864 Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife.
0865 Give me thy hand.
LUCIANA 0866 75 O soft, sir. Hold you still.
0867 I’ll fetch my sister to get her goodwill.She exits.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse, ⌜running.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0868 Why, how now, Dromio.
0869 Where runn’st thou so fast?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0870 Do you know me, sir? Am I
0871 80 Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0872 Thou art Dromio, thou art
0873 my man, thou art thyself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0874 I am an ass, I am a woman’s
0875 man, and besides myself.
0877 how besides thyself?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0878 Marry, sir, besides myself I am
0879 due to a woman, one that claims me, one that
0880 haunts me, one that will have me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0881 90What claim lays she to thee?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0882 Marry, sir, such claim as you
0883 would lay to your horse, and she would have me as
0884 a beast; not that I being a beast she would have me,
0885 but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays
0886 95 claim to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0887 What is she?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0888 A very reverend body, ay, such a
0889 one as a man may not speak of without he say
0890 “sir-reverence.” I have but lean luck in the match,
0891 100 and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0892 How dost thou mean a “fat
0893 marriage”?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0894 Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen
0895 wench, and all grease, and I know not what use to
0896 105 put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from
0897 her by her own light. I warrant her rags and the
0898 tallow in them will burn a Poland winter. If she lives
0899 till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the
0900 whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0901 110What complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0902 Swart like my shoe, but her face
0903 nothing like so clean kept. For why? She sweats. A
0904 man may go overshoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0905 That’s a fault that water will
0906 115 mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0907 No, sir, ’tis in grain; Noah’s flood
0908 could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0909 What’s her name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0910 Nell, sir, but her name ⌜and⌝
0912 will not measure her from hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0913 Then she bears some
0914 breadth?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0915 No longer from head to foot than
0916 125 from hip to hip. She is spherical, like a globe. I
0917 could find out countries in her.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0918 In what part of her body
0919 stands Ireland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0920 Marry, sir, in her buttocks. I
0921 130 found it out by the bogs.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0922 Where Scotland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0923 I found it by the barrenness,
0924 hard in the palm of the hand.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0925 Where France?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0926 135In her forehead, armed and
0927 reverted, making war against her heir.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0928 Where England?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0929 I looked for the chalky cliffs, but
0930 I could find no whiteness in them. But I guess it
0931 140 stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran
0932 between France and it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0933 Where Spain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0934 Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot
0935 in her breath.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0936 145Where America, the Indies?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0937 O, sir, upon her nose, all o’erembellished
0938 with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires,
0939 declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of
0940 Spain, who sent whole armadas of carracks to be
0941 150 ballast at her nose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0942 Where stood Belgia, the
0943 Netherlands?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 0944 O, sir, I did not look so low. To
0945 conclude: this drudge or diviner laid claim to me,
0947 me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark
0948 of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart
0949 on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a
0950 witch.
0951 160 And, I think, if my breast had not been made of
0952 faith, and my heart of steel,
0953 She had transformed me to a curtal dog and made
0954 me turn i’ th’ wheel.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0955 Go, hie thee presently. Post to the road.
0956 165 An if the wind blow any way from shore,
0957 I will not harbor in this town tonight.
0958 If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
0959 Where I will walk till thou return to me.
0960 If everyone knows us, and we know none,
0961 170 ’Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
0962 As from a bear a man would run for life,
0963 So fly I from her that would be my wife.He exits.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0964 There’s none but witches do inhabit here,
0965 And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence.
0966 175 She that doth call me husband, even my soul
0967 Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
0968 Possessed with such a gentle sovereign grace,
0969 Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
0970 Hath almost made me traitor to myself.
0971 180 But lest myself be guilty to self wrong,
0972 I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.
Enter Angelo with the chain.
ANGELO
0973 Master Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 0974 Ay, that’s my name.
0975 I know it well, sir. Lo, here’s the chain.
0976 185 I thought to have ta’en you at the Porpentine;
0977 The chain unfinished made me stay thus long.
⌜He gives Antipholus a chain.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0978 What is your will that I shall do with this?
ANGELO
0979 What please yourself, sir. I have made it for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0980 Made it for me, sir? I bespoke it not.
ANGELO
0981 190 Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
0982 Go home with it, and please your wife withal,
0983 And soon at supper time I’ll visit you
0984 And then receive my money for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0985 I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
0986 195 For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more.
ANGELO
0987 You are a merry man, sir. Fare you well.He exits.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
0988 What I should think of this I cannot tell,
0989 But this I think: there’s no man is so vain
0990 That would refuse so fair an offered chain.
0991 200 I see a man here needs not live by shifts
0992 When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
0993 I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay.
0994 If any ship put out, then straight away.
He exits.
and an Officer.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝
0995 You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
0996 And since I have not much importuned you,
0997 Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
0998 To Persia and want guilders for my voyage.
0999 5 Therefore make present satisfaction,
1000 Or I’ll attach you by this officer.
ANGELO
1001 Even just the sum that I do owe to you
1002 Is growing to me by Antipholus.
1003 And in the instant that I met with you,
1004 10 He had of me a chain. At five o’clock
1005 I shall receive the money for the same.
1006 Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
1007 I will discharge my bond and thank you too.
Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Ephesus ⌜and⌝ Dromio ⌜of
Ephesus⌝ from the Courtesan’s.
OFFICER
1008 That labor may you save. See where he comes.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝
1009 15 While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou
1011 Among my wife and ⌜her⌝ confederates
1012 For locking me out of my doors by day.
1013 But soft. I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone.
1014 20 Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.
DROMIO ⌜OF EPHESUS⌝
1015 I buy a thousand pound a year! I buy a rope!
Dromio exits.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝
1016 A man is well holp up that trusts to you!
1017 I promisèd your presence and the chain,
1018 But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
1019 25 Belike you thought our love would last too long
1020 If it were chained together, and therefore came not.
ANGELO, ⌜handing a paper to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1021 Saving your merry humor, here’s the note
1022 How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
1023 The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion,
1024 30 Which doth amount to three-odd ducats more
1025 Than I stand debted to this gentleman.
1026 I pray you, see him presently discharged,
1027 For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1028 I am not furnished with the present money.
1029 35 Besides, I have some business in the town.
1030 Good signior, take the stranger to my house,
1031 And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
1032 Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.
1033 Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELO
1034 40 Then you will bring the chain to her yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1035 No, bear it with you lest I come not time enough.
ANGELO
1036 Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
1037 An if I have not, sir, I hope you have,
1038 Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELO
1039 45 Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain.
1040 Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
1041 And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1042 Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse
1043 Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
1044 50 I should have chid you for not bringing it,
1045 But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝
1046 The hour steals on. I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1047 You hear how he importunes me. The chain!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1048 Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.
ANGELO
1049 55 Come, come. You know I gave it you even now.
1050 Either send the chain, or send ⌜by me⌝ some token.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1051 Fie, now you run this humor out of breath.
1052 Come, where’s the chain? I pray you, let me see it.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1053 My business cannot brook this dalliance.
1054 60 Good sir, say whe’er you’ll answer me or no.
1055 If not, I’ll leave him to the Officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1056 I answer you? What should I answer you?
ANGELO
1057 The money that you owe me for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1058 I owe you none till I receive the chain.
ANGELO
1059 65 You know I gave it you half an hour since.
1060 You gave me none. You wrong me much to say so.
ANGELO
1061 You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.
1062 Consider how it stands upon my credit.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1063 Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
OFFICER, ⌜to Angelo⌝
1064 70 I do, and charge you in the Duke’s name to obey
1065 me.
ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1066 This touches me in reputation.
1067 Either consent to pay this sum for me,
1068 Or I attach you by this officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1069 75 Consent to pay thee that I never had?—
1070 Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st.
ANGELO, ⌜to Officer⌝
1071 Here is thy fee. Arrest him, officer.⌜Giving money.⌝
1072 I would not spare my brother in this case
1073 If he should scorn me so apparently.
OFFICER, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1074 80 I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1075 I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
1076 ⌜To Angelo.⌝ But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as
1077 dear
1078 As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELO
1079 85 Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
1080 To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse from the bay.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1081 Master, there’s a bark of Epidamium
1082 That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
1084 90 I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought
1085 The oil, the balsamum, and aqua vitae.
1086 The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
1087 Blows fair from land. They stay for naught at all
1088 But for their owner, master, and yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1089 95 How now? A madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,
1090 What ship of Epidamium stays for me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1091 A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1092 Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope
1093 And told thee to what purpose and what end.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1094 100 You sent me for a rope’s end as soon.
1095 You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1096 I will debate this matter at more leisure
1097 And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
1098 To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight.
⌜He gives a key.⌝
1099 105 Give her this key, and tell her in the desk
1100 That’s covered o’er with Turkish tapestry
1101 There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it.
1102 Tell her I am arrested in the street,
1103 And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave. Begone.—
1104 110 On, officer, to prison till it come.
⌜All but Dromio of Syracuse⌝ exit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1105 To Adriana. That is where we dined,
1106 Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband.
1107 She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
1108 Thither I must, although against my will,
1109 115 For servants must their masters’ minds fulfill.
He exits.
ADRIANA
1110 Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
1111 Might’st thou perceive austerely in his eye
1112 That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?
1113 Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
1114 5 What observation mad’st thou in this case
1115 ⌜Of⌝ his heart’s meteors tilting in his face?
LUCIANA
1116 First he denied you had in him no right.
ADRIANA
1117 He meant he did me none; the more my spite.
LUCIANA
1118 Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
ADRIANA
1119 10 And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
LUCIANA
1120 Then pleaded I for you.
ADRIANA 1121 And what said he?
LUCIANA
1122 That love I begged for you he begged of me.
ADRIANA
1123 With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
LUCIANA
1124 15 With words that in an honest suit might move.
1125 First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
ADRIANA
1126 Did’st speak him fair?
LUCIANA 1127 Have patience, I beseech.
ADRIANA
1128 I cannot, nor I will not hold me still.
1129 20 My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
1130 He is deformèd, crooked, old, and sere,
1131 Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless everywhere,
1133 Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
LUCIANA
1134 25 Who would be jealous, then, of such a one?
1135 No evil lost is wailed when it is gone.
ADRIANA
1136 Ah, but I think him better than I say,
1137 And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse.
1138 Far from her nest the lapwing cries away.
1139 30 My heart prays for him, though my tongue do
1140 curse.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the key.⌝
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1141 Here, go—the desk, the purse! Sweet, now make
1142 haste.
LUCIANA
1143 How hast thou lost thy breath?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1144 35 By running fast.
ADRIANA
1145 Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1146 No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
1147 A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,
1148 One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel;
1149 40 A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;
1150 A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
1151 A backfriend, a shoulder clapper, one that
1152 countermands
1153 The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands;
1154 45 A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot
1155 well,
1156 One that before the judgment carries poor souls to
1157 hell.
ADRIANA 1158 Why, man, what is the matter?
1159 50 I do not know the matter. He is ’rested on the case.
ADRIANA
1160 What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1161 I know not at whose suit he is arrested well,
1162 But is in a suit of buff which ’rested him; that can I
1163 tell.
1164 55 Will you send him, mistress, redemption—the
1165 money in his desk?
ADRIANA
1166 Go fetch it, sister. (Luciana exits.) This I wonder at,
1167 ⌜That⌝ he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
1168 Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1169 60 Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:
1170 A chain, a chain. Do you not hear it ring?
ADRIANA 1171 What, the chain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1172 No, no, the bell. ’Tis time that I were gone.
1173 It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes
1174 65 one.
ADRIANA
1175 The hours come back. That did I never hear.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1176 O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, he turns back
1177 for very fear.
ADRIANA
1178 As if time were in debt. How fondly dost thou
1179 70 reason!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1180 Time is a very bankrout and owes more than he’s
1181 worth to season.
1182 Nay, he’s a thief too. Have you not heard men say
1183 That time comes stealing on by night and day?
1185 way,
1186 Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
Enter Luciana, ⌜with the purse.⌝
ADRIANA
1187 Go, Dromio. There’s the money. Bear it straight,
1188 And bring thy master home immediately.
⌜Dromio exits.⌝
1189 80 Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit:
1190 Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
⌜They⌝ exit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1191 There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me
1192 As if I were their well-acquainted friend,
1193 And everyone doth call me by my name.
1194 Some tender money to me; some invite me;
1195 5 Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
1196 Some offer me commodities to buy.
1197 Even now a tailor called me in his shop
1198 And showed me silks that he had bought for me,
1199 And therewithal took measure of my body.
1200 10 Sure these are but imaginary wiles,
1201 And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the purse.⌝
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1202 Master, here’s the gold you sent
1203 me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam
1204 new-appareled?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1205 15 What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?
1207 Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison; he
1208 that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the
1209 Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil
1210 20 angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 1211 I understand thee not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1212 No? Why, ’tis a plain case: he
1213 that went like a bass viol in a case of leather; the
1214 man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives
1215 25 them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity
1216 on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he
1217 that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his
1218 mace than a morris-pike.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 1219 What, thou mean’st an
1220 30 officer?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1221 Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band;
1222 he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his
1223 band; one that thinks a man always going to bed
1224 and says “God give you good rest.”
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 1225 35Well, sir, there rest in your
1226 foolery. Is there any ships puts forth tonight? May
1227 we be gone?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1228 Why, sir, I brought you word an
1229 hour since that the bark Expedition put forth tonight,
1230 40 and then were you hindered by the sergeant
1231 to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that
1232 you sent for to deliver you.⌜He gives the purse.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1233 The fellow is distract, and so am I,
1234 And here we wander in illusions.
1235 45 Some blessèd power deliver us from hence!
Enter a Courtesan.
COURTESAN
1236 Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
1238 Is that the chain you promised me today?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1239 Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1240 50 Master, is this Mistress Satan?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 1241 It is the devil.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1242 Nay, she is worse; she is the
1243 devil’s dam, and here she comes in the habit of a
1244 light wench. And thereof comes that the wenches
1245 55 say “God damn me”; that’s as much to say “God
1246 make me a light wench.” It is written they appear
1247 to men like angels of light. Light is an effect of fire,
1248 and fire will burn: ergo, light wenches will burn.
1249 Come not near her.
COURTESAN
1250 60 Your man and you are marvelous merry, sir.
1251 Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1252 Master, if ⌜you⌝ do, expect spoon
1253 meat, or bespeak a long spoon.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 1254 Why, Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1255 65Marry, he must have a long
1256 spoon that must eat with the devil.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to the Courtesan⌝
1257 Avoid then, fiend! What tell’st thou me of supping?
1258 Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress.
1259 I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
COURTESAN
1260 70 Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner
1261 Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
1262 And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1263 Some devils ask but the parings
1264 of one’s nail, a rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, a
1265 75 nut, a cherrystone; but she, more covetous, would
1266 have a chain. Master, be wise. An if you give it her,
1267 the devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.
1268 I pray you, sir, my ring or else the chain.
1269 I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1270 80 Avaunt, thou witch!—Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1271 “Fly pride,” says the peacock.
1272 Mistress, that you know.
⌜Antipholus and Dromio⌝ exit.
COURTESAN
1273 Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad;
1274 Else would he never so demean himself.
1275 85 A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
1276 And for the same he promised me a chain.
1277 Both one and other he denies me now.
1278 The reason that I gather he is mad,
1279 Besides this present instance of his rage,
1280 90 Is a mad tale he told today at dinner
1281 Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
1282 Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
1283 On purpose shut the doors against his way.
1284 My way is now to hie home to his house
1285 95 And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
1286 He rushed into my house and took perforce
1287 My ring away. This course I fittest choose,
1288 For forty ducats is too much to lose.
⌜She exits.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1289 Fear me not, man. I will not break away.
1290 I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
1291 To warrant thee, as I am ’rested for.
1292 My wife is in a wayward mood today
1294 That I should be attached in Ephesus.
1295 I tell you, ’twill sound harshly in her ears.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus with a rope’s end.
1296 Here comes my man. I think he brings the
1297 money.
1298 10 How now, sir? Have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜handing over the rope’s end⌝
1299 Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 1300 But where’s the money?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1301 Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1302 Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1303 15 I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1304 To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1305 To a rope’s end, sir, and to that
1306 end am I returned.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜beating Dromio⌝
1307 And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
OFFICER 1308 20Good sir, be patient.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1309 Nay, ’tis for me to be patient. I am
1310 in adversity.
OFFICER 1311 Good now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1312 Nay, rather persuade him to hold
1313 25 his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 1314 Thou whoreson, senseless
1315 villain.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1316 I would I were senseless, sir, that
1317 I might not feel your blows.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 1318 30Thou art sensible in nothing
1319 but blows, and so is an ass.
1321 prove it by my long ears.—I have served him from
1322 the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have
1323 35 nothing at his hands for my service but blows.
1324 When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I
1325 am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked
1326 with it when I sleep, raised with it when I sit,
1327 driven out of doors with it when I go from home,
1328 40 welcomed home with it when I return. Nay, I bear it
1329 on my shoulders as a beggar wont her brat, and I
1330 think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it
1331 from door to door.
Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and a Schoolmaster
called Pinch.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1332 Come, go along. My wife is coming yonder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1333 45Mistress, respice finem, respect
1334 your end, or rather, the prophecy like the parrot,
1335 “Beware the rope’s end.”
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 1336 Wilt thou still talk?
Beats Dromio.
COURTESAN, ⌜to Adriana⌝
1337 How say you now? Is not your husband mad?
ADRIANA
1338 50 His incivility confirms no less.—
1339 Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
1340 Establish him in his true sense again,
1341 And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANA
1342 Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
COURTESAN
1343 55 Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.
PINCH, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1344 Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
1345 There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
PINCH
1346 I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
1347 To yield possession to my holy prayers,
1348 60 And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight.
1349 I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1350 Peace, doting wizard, peace. I am not mad.
ADRIANA
1351 O, that thou wert not, poor distressèd soul!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1352 You minion, you, are these your customers?
1353 65 Did this companion with the saffron face
1354 Revel and feast it at my house today
1355 Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
1356 And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANA
1357 O husband, God doth know you dined at home,
1358 70 Where would you had remained until this time,
1359 Free from these slanders and this open shame.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1360 “Dined at home”? ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Thou villain, what
1361 sayest thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1362 Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1363 75 Were not my doors locked up and I shut out?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1364 Perdie, your doors were locked, and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1365 And did not she herself revile me there?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1366 Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1367 Did not her kitchen maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
1368 80 Certes, she did; the kitchen vestal scorned you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1369 And did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1370 In verity you did.—My bones bears witness,
1371 That since have felt the vigor of his rage.
ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝
1372 Is ’t good to soothe him in these contraries?
PINCH
1373 85 It is no shame. The fellow finds his vein
1374 And, yielding to him, humors well his frenzy.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝
1375 Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me.
ADRIANA
1376 Alas, I sent you money to redeem you
1377 By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1378 90 Money by me? Heart and goodwill you might,
1379 But surely, master, not a rag of money.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1380 Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
ADRIANA
1381 He came to me, and I delivered it.
LUCIANA
1382 And I am witness with her that she did.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1383 95 God and the rope-maker bear me witness
1384 That I was sent for nothing but a rope.
PINCH
1385 Mistress, both man and master is possessed.
1386 I know it by their pale and deadly looks.
1387 They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝
1388 100 Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth today.
1390 bag of gold?
ADRIANA
1391 I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1392 And, gentle master, I received no gold.
1393 105 But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.
ADRIANA
1394 Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1395 Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
1396 And art confederate with a damnèd pack
1397 To make a loathsome abject scorn of me.
1398 110 But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes
1399 That would behold in me this shameful sport.
ADRIANA
1400 O bind him, bind him! Let him not come near me.
Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives.
PINCH
1401 More company! The fiend is strong within him.
LUCIANA
1402 Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1403 115 What, will you murder me?—Thou jailer, thou,
1404 I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them
1405 To make a rescue?
OFFICER 1406 Masters, let him go.
1407 He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
PINCH
1408 120 Go, bind this man, for he is frantic too.
⌜Dromio is bound.⌝
ADRIANA, ⌜to Officer⌝
1409 What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
1410 Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
1411 Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
1412 He is my prisoner. If I let him go,
1413 125 The debt he owes will be required of me.
ADRIANA
1414 I will discharge thee ere I go from thee.
1415 Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
1416 And knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.—
1417 Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyed
1418 130 Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 1419 O most unhappy strumpet!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1420 Master, I am here entered in bond for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1421 Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1422 Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good
1423 135 master.
1424 Cry “The devil!”
LUCIANA
1425 God help poor souls! How idly do they talk!
ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝
1426 Go bear him hence.
⌜Pinch and his men⌝ exit ⌜with Antipholus
and Dromio of Ephesus.⌝
Officer, Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan remain.
1427 Sister, go you with me.
1428 140 ⌜To Officer.⌝ Say now whose suit is he arrested at.
OFFICER
1429 One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him?
ADRIANA
1430 I know the man. What is the sum he owes?
OFFICER
1431 Two hundred ducats.
ADRIANA 1432 Say, how grows it due?
OFFICER
1433 145 Due for a chain your husband had of him.
1434 He did bespeak a chain for me but had it not.
COURTESAN
1435 Whenas your husband all in rage today
1436 Came to my house and took away my ring,
1437 The ring I saw upon his finger now,
1438 150 Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
ADRIANA
1439 It may be so, but I did never see it.—
1440 Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is.
1441 I long to know the truth hereof at large.
Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse with his rapier drawn,
and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.
LUCIANA
1442 God for Thy mercy, they are loose again!
ADRIANA
1443 155 And come with naked swords. Let’s call more help
1444 To have them bound again.
OFFICER 1445 Away! They’ll kill us.
Run all out as fast as may be, frighted.
⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse remain.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1446 I see these witches are afraid of swords.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1447 She that would be your wife now ran from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1448 160 Come to the Centaur. Fetch our stuff from thence.
1449 I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1450 Faith, stay here this night. They
1451 will surely do us no harm. You saw they speak us
1452 fair, give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle
1453 165 nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that
1454 claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to
1455 stay here still, and turn witch.
1456 I will not stay tonight for all the town.
1457 Therefore, away, to get our stuff aboard.
They exit.
Goldsmith.
ANGELO
1458 I am sorry, sir, that I have hindered you,
1459 But I protest he had the chain of me,
1460 Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1461 How is the man esteemed here in the city?
ANGELO
1462 5 Of very reverend reputation, sir,
1463 Of credit infinite, highly beloved,
1464 Second to none that lives here in the city.
1465 His word might bear my wealth at any time.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1466 Speak softly. Yonder, as I think, he walks.
Enter Antipholus and Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ again,
⌜Antipholus wearing the chain.⌝
ANGELO
1467 10 ’Tis so, and that self chain about his neck
1468 Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
1469 Good sir, draw near to me. I’ll speak to him.—
1470 Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
1471 That you would put me to this shame and trouble,
1472 15 And not without some scandal to yourself,
1474 This chain, which now you wear so openly.
1475 Besides the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
1476 You have done wrong to this my honest friend,
1477 20 Who, but for staying on our controversy,
1478 Had hoisted sail and put to sea today.
1479 This chain you had of me. Can you deny it?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
1480 I think I had. I never did deny it.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1481 Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
1482 25 Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1483 These ears of mine, thou know’st, did hear thee.
1484 Fie on thee, wretch. ’Tis pity that thou liv’st
1485 To walk where any honest men resort.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
1486 Thou art a villain to impeach me thus.
1487 30 I’ll prove mine honor and mine honesty
1488 Against thee presently if thou dar’st stand.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1489 I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.They draw.
Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and others.
ADRIANA
1490 Hold, hurt him not, for God’s sake. He is mad.—
1491 Some get within him; take his sword away.
1492 35 Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1493 Run, master, run. For God’s sake, take a house.
1494 This is some priory. In, or we are spoiled.
⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse⌝
exit to the Priory.
Enter Lady Abbess.
1495 Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?
ADRIANA
1496 To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.
1497 40 Let us come in, that we may bind him fast
1498 And bear him home for his recovery.
ANGELO
1499 I knew he was not in his perfect wits.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1500 I am sorry now that I did draw on him.
ABBESS
1501 How long hath this possession held the man?
ADRIANA
1502 45 This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,
1503 And much different from the man he was.
1504 But till this afternoon his passion
1505 Ne’er brake into extremity of rage.
ABBESS
1506 Hath he not lost much wealth by wrack of sea?
1507 50 Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
1508 Strayed his affection in unlawful love,
1509 A sin prevailing much in youthful men
1510 Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing?
1511 Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
ADRIANA
1512 55 To none of these, except it be the last,
1513 Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.
ABBESS
1514 You should for that have reprehended him.
ADRIANA
1515 Why, so I did.
ABBESS 1516 Ay, but not rough enough.
ADRIANA
1517 60 As roughly as my modesty would let me.
ABBESS
1518 Haply in private.
ABBESS 1520 Ay, but not enough.
ADRIANA
1521 It was the copy of our conference.
1522 65 In bed he slept not for my urging it;
1523 At board he fed not for my urging it.
1524 Alone, it was the subject of my theme;
1525 In company I often glancèd it.
1526 Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
ABBESS
1527 70 And thereof came it that the man was mad.
1528 The venom clamors of a jealous woman
1529 Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth.
1530 It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing,
1531 And thereof comes it that his head is light.
1532 75 Thou sayst his meat was sauced with thy
1533 upbraidings.
1534 Unquiet meals make ill digestions.
1535 Thereof the raging fire of fever bred,
1536 And what’s a fever but a fit of madness?
1537 80 Thou sayest his sports were hindered by thy brawls.
1538 Sweet recreation barred, what doth ensue
1539 But moody and dull melancholy,
1540 Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,
1541 And at her heels a huge infectious troop
1542 85 Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
1543 In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest
1544 To be disturbed would mad or man or beast.
1545 The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits
1546 Hath scared thy husband from the use of wits.
LUCIANA
1547 90 She never reprehended him but mildly
1548 When he demeaned himself rough, rude, and
1549 wildly.—
1550 Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?
1551 She did betray me to my own reproof.—
1552 95 Good people, enter and lay hold on him.
ABBESS
1553 No, not a creature enters in my house.
ADRIANA
1554 Then let your servants bring my husband forth.
ABBESS
1555 Neither. He took this place for sanctuary,
1556 And it shall privilege him from your hands
1557 100 Till I have brought him to his wits again
1558 Or lose my labor in assaying it.
ADRIANA
1559 I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
1560 Diet his sickness, for it is my office
1561 And will have no attorney but myself;
1562 105 And therefore let me have him home with me.
ABBESS
1563 Be patient, for I will not let him stir
1564 Till I have used the approvèd means I have,
1565 With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers,
1566 To make of him a formal man again.
1567 110 It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
1568 A charitable duty of my order.
1569 Therefore depart and leave him here with me.
ADRIANA
1570 I will not hence and leave my husband here;
1571 And ill it doth beseem your holiness
1572 115 To separate the husband and the wife.
ABBESS
1573 Be quiet and depart. Thou shalt not have him.
⌜She exits.⌝
LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝
1574 Complain unto the Duke of this indignity.
ADRIANA
1575 Come, go. I will fall prostrate at his feet
1576 And never rise until my tears and prayers
1578 And take perforce my husband from the Abbess.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1579 By this, I think, the dial points at five.
1580 Anon, I’m sure, the Duke himself in person
1581 Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
1582 125 The place of ⌜death⌝ and sorry execution
1583 Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
ANGELO 1584 Upon what cause?
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
1585 To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,
1586 Who put unluckily into this bay
1587 130 Against the laws and statutes of this town,
1588 Beheaded publicly for his offense.
ANGELO
1589 See where they come. We will behold his death.
LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝
1590 Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.
Enter the Duke of Ephesus, and ⌜Egeon⌝ the Merchant
of Syracuse, bare head, with the Headsman
and other Officers.
DUKE
1591 Yet once again proclaim it publicly,
1592 135 If any friend will pay the sum for him,
1593 He shall not die; so much we tender him.
ADRIANA, ⌜kneeling⌝
1594 Justice, most sacred duke, against the Abbess.
DUKE
1595 She is a virtuous and a reverend lady.
1596 It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
ADRIANA
1597 140 May it please your Grace, Antipholus my husband,
1598 Who I made lord of me and all I had
1599 At your important letters, this ill day
1600 A most outrageous fit of madness took him,
1602 145 With him his bondman, all as mad as he,
1603 Doing displeasure to the citizens
1604 By rushing in their houses, bearing thence
1605 Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like.
1606 Once did I get him bound and sent him home
1607 150 Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went
1608 That here and there his fury had committed.
1609 Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
1610 He broke from those that had the guard of him,
1611 And with his mad attendant and himself,
1612 155 Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,
1613 Met us again and, madly bent on us,
1614 Chased us away, till raising of more aid,
1615 We came again to bind them. Then they fled
1616 Into this abbey, whither we pursued them,
1617 160 And here the Abbess shuts the gates on us
1618 And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
1619 Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
1620 Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
1621 Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.
DUKE
1622 165 Long since, thy husband served me in my wars,
1623 And I to thee engaged a prince’s word,
1624 When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
1625 To do him all the grace and good I could.
1626 Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate,
1627 170 And bid the Lady Abbess come to me.
1628 I will determine this before I stir.⌜Adriana rises.⌝
Enter a Messenger.
⌜MESSENGER⌝
1629 O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself.
1630 My master and his man are both broke loose,
1631 Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the doctor,
1633 fire,
1634 And ever as it blazed they threw on him
1635 Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair.
1636 My master preaches patience to him, and the while
1637 180 His man with scissors nicks him like a fool;
1638 And sure, unless you send some present help,
1639 Between them they will kill the conjurer.
ADRIANA
1640 Peace, fool. Thy master and his man are here,
1641 And that is false thou dost report to us.
MESSENGER
1642 185 Mistress, upon my life I tell you true.
1643 I have not breathed almost since I did see it.
1644 He cries for you and vows, if he can take you,
1645 To scorch your face and to disfigure you.Cry within.
1646 Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress. Fly, begone!
DUKE
1647 190 Come, stand by me. Fear nothing.—Guard with
1648 halberds.
Enter Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.
ADRIANA
1649 Ay me, it is my husband. Witness you
1650 That he is borne about invisible.
1651 Even now we housed him in the abbey here,
1652 195 And now he’s there, past thought of human reason.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1653 Justice, most gracious duke. O, grant me justice,
1654 Even for the service that long since I did thee
1655 When I bestrid thee in the wars and took
1656 Deep scars to save thy life. Even for the blood
1657 200 That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.
EGEON, ⌜aside⌝
1658 Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,
1659 I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.
1660 Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there,
1661 She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife,
1662 205 That hath abusèd and dishonored me
1663 Even in the strength and height of injury.
1664 Beyond imagination is the wrong
1665 That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
DUKE
1666 Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1667 210 This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me
1668 While she with harlots feasted in my house.
DUKE
1669 A grievous fault.—Say, woman, didst thou so?
ADRIANA
1670 No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister
1671 Today did dine together. So befall my soul
1672 215 As this is false he burdens me withal.
LUCIANA
1673 Ne’er may I look on day nor sleep on night
1674 But she tells to your Highness simple truth.
ANGELO
1675 O perjured woman!—They are both forsworn.
1676 In this the madman justly chargeth them.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1677 220 My liege, I am advisèd what I say,
1678 Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,
1679 Nor heady-rash provoked with raging ire,
1680 Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
1681 This woman locked me out this day from dinner.
1682 225 That goldsmith there, were he not packed with her,
1683 Could witness it, for he was with me then,
1684 Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
1685 Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
1686 Where Balthasar and I did dine together.
1687 230 Our dinner done and he not coming thither,
1689 And in his company that gentleman.
⌜He points to Second Merchant.⌝
1690 There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down
1691 That I this day of him received the chain,
1692 235 Which, God He knows, I saw not; for the which
1693 He did arrest me with an officer.
1694 I did obey and sent my peasant home
1695 For certain ducats. He with none returned.
1696 Then fairly I bespoke the officer
1697 240 To go in person with me to my house.
1698 By th’ way we met
1699 My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
1700 Of vile confederates. Along with them
1701 They brought one Pinch, a hungry, lean-faced
1702 245 villain,
1703 A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
1704 A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller,
1705 A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,
1706 A living dead man. This pernicious slave,
1707 250 Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,
1708 And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
1709 And with no face (as ’twere) outfacing me,
1710 Cries out I was possessed. Then all together
1711 They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence,
1712 255 And in a dark and dankish vault at home
1713 There left me and my man, both bound together,
1714 Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
1715 I gained my freedom and immediately
1716 Ran hither to your Grace, whom I beseech
1717 260 To give me ample satisfaction
1718 For these deep shames and great indignities.
ANGELO
1719 My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him:
1720 That he dined not at home, but was locked out.
1721 But had he such a chain of thee or no?
ANGELO
1722 265 He had, my lord, and when he ran in here,
1723 These people saw the chain about his neck.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1724 Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine
1725 Heard you confess you had the chain of him
1726 After you first forswore it on the mart,
1727 270 And thereupon I drew my sword on you,
1728 And then you fled into this abbey here,
1729 From whence I think you are come by miracle.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1730 I never came within these abbey walls,
1731 Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me.
1732 275 I never saw the chain, so help me heaven,
1733 And this is false you burden me withal.
DUKE
1734 Why, what an intricate impeach is this!
1735 I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup.
1736 If here you housed him, here he would have been.
1737 280 If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly.
1738 ⌜To Adriana.⌝ You say he dined at home; the
1739 goldsmith here
1740 Denies that saying. ⌜To Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ Sirrah,
1741 what say you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜pointing to the Courtesan⌝
1742 285 Sir, he dined with her there at the Porpentine.
COURTESAN
1743 He did, and from my finger snatched that ring.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜showing a ring⌝
1744 ’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.
DUKE, ⌜to Courtesan⌝
1745 Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here?
COURTESAN
1746 As sure, my liege, as I do see your Grace.
1747 290 Why, this is strange.—Go call the Abbess hither.
Exit one to the Abbess.
1748 I think you are all mated or stark mad.
EGEON
1749 Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word.
1750 Haply I see a friend will save my life
1751 And pay the sum that may deliver me.
DUKE
1752 295 Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1753 Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus?
1754 And is not that your bondman Dromio?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1755 Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,
1756 But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords.
1757 300 Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound.
EGEON
1758 I am sure you both of you remember me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1759 Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you,
1760 For lately we were bound as you are now.
1761 You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir?
EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1762 305 Why look you strange on me? You know me well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1763 I never saw you in my life till now.
EGEON
1764 O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,
1765 And careful hours with time’s deformèd hand
1766 Have written strange defeatures in my face.
1767 310 But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 1768 Neither.
EGEON 1769 Dromio, nor thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1770 No, trust me, sir, nor I.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1772 315Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and
1773 whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to
1774 believe him.
EGEON
1775 Not know my voice! O time’s extremity,
1776 Hast thou so cracked and splitted my poor tongue
1777 320 In seven short years that here my only son
1778 Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?
1779 Though now this grainèd face of mine be hid
1780 In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow,
1781 And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
1782 325 Yet hath my night of life some memory,
1783 My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
1784 My dull deaf ears a little use to hear.
1785 All these old witnesses—I cannot err—
1786 Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1787 330 I never saw my father in my life.
EGEON
1788 But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
1789 Thou know’st we parted. But perhaps, my son,
1790 Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1791 The Duke and all that know me in the city
1792 335 Can witness with me that it is not so.
1793 I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.
DUKE
1794 I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years
1795 Have I been patron to Antipholus,
1796 During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa.
1797 340 I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
Enter ⌜Emilia⌝ the Abbess, with Antipholus ⌜of⌝
Syracuse and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.
1798 Most mighty duke, behold a man much wronged.
All gather to see them.
ADRIANA
1799 I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.
DUKE
1800 One of these men is genius to the other.
1801 And so, of these, which is the natural man
1802 345 And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1803 I, sir, am Dromio. Command him away.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1804 I, sir, am Dromio. Pray, let me stay.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1805 Egeon art thou not, or else his ghost?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1806 O, my old master.—Who hath bound him here?
ABBESS
1807 350 Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds
1808 And gain a husband by his liberty.—
1809 Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man
1810 That hadst a wife once called Emilia,
1811 That bore thee at a burden two fair sons.
1812 355 O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak,
1813 And speak unto the same Emilia.
DUKE
1814 Why, here begins his morning story right:
1815 These two Antipholus’, these two so like,
1816 And these two Dromios, one in semblance—
1817 360 Besides her urging of her wrack at sea—
1818 These are the parents to these children,
1819 Which accidentally are met together.
EGEON
1820 If I dream not, thou art Emilia.
1821 If thou art she, tell me, where is that son
1822 365 That floated with thee on the fatal raft?
1823 By men of Epidamium he and I
1824 And the twin Dromio all were taken up;
1825 But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth
1826 By force took Dromio and my son from them,
1827 370 And me they left with those of Epidamium.
1828 What then became of them I cannot tell;
1829 I to this fortune that you see me in.
DUKE, ⌜to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝
1830 Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1831 No, sir, not I. I came from Syracuse.
DUKE
1832 375 Stay, stand apart. I know not which is which.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1833 I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1834 And I with him.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1835 Brought to this town by that most famous warrior
1836 Duke Menaphon, your most renownèd uncle.
ADRIANA
1837 380 Which of you two did dine with me today?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1838 I, gentle mistress.
ADRIANA 1839 And are not you my husband?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 1840 No, I say nay to that.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
1841 And so do I, yet did she call me so,
1842 385 And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,
1843 Did call me brother. ⌜To Luciana.⌝ What I told you
1844 then
1845 I hope I shall have leisure to make good,
1846 If this be not a dream I see and hear.
ANGELO, ⌜turning to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝
1847 390 That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
1848 I think it be, sir. I deny it not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝
1849 And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.
ANGELO
1850 I think I did, sir. I deny it not.
ADRIANA, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1851 I sent you money, sir, to be your bail
1852 395 By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1853 No, none by me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Adriana⌝
1854 This purse of ducats I received from you,
1855 And Dromio my man did bring them me.
1856 I see we still did meet each other’s man,
1857 400 And I was ta’en for him, and he for me,
1858 And thereupon these errors are arose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to the Duke⌝
1859 These ducats pawn I for my father here.
DUKE
1860 It shall not need. Thy father hath his life.
COURTESAN, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1861 Sir, I must have that diamond from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1862 405 There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer.
ABBESS
1863 Renownèd duke, vouchsafe to take the pains
1864 To go with us into the abbey here
1865 And hear at large discoursèd all our fortunes,
1866 And all that are assembled in this place
1867 410 That by this sympathizèd one day’s error
1868 Have suffered wrong. Go, keep us company,
1869 And we shall make full satisfaction.—
1870 Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail
1871 Of you, my sons, and till this present hour
1872 415 My heavy burden ⌜ne’er⌝ deliverèd.—
1873 The Duke, my husband, and my children both,
1875 Go to a gossips’ feast, and go with me.
1876 After so long grief, such nativity!
DUKE
1877 420 With all my heart I’ll gossip at this feast.
All exit except the two Dromios
and ⌜the⌝ two brothers ⌜Antipholus.⌝
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1878 Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
1879 Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embarked?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1880 Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
1881 He speaks to me.—I am your master, Dromio.
1882 425 Come, go with us. We’ll look to that anon.
1883 Embrace thy brother there. Rejoice with him.
⌜The brothers Antipholus⌝ exit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
1884 There is a fat friend at your master’s house
1885 That kitchened me for you today at dinner.
1886 She now shall be my sister, not my wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
1887 430 Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother.
1888 I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.
1889 Will you walk in to see their gossiping?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1890 Not I, sir. You are my elder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1891 That’s a question. How shall we
1892 435 try it?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 1893 We’ll draw cuts for the signior.
1894 Till then, lead thou first.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 1895 Nay, then, thus:
1896 We came into the world like brother and brother,
1897 440 And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before
1898 another.
They exit.