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The Comedy of Errors - Act 3, scene 1
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The Comedy of Errors - Act 3, scene 1Act 3, scene 1
Scene 1
Synopsis:
Antipholus of Ephesus brings a goldsmith and a merchant to his home for dinner. He finds the door locked and, enraged, departs for the Courtesan’s house. He sends the goldsmith to fetch a gold chain, which he now decides to give to the Courtesan.
Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelothe goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0620 Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
0621 My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.
0622 Say that I lingered with you at your shop
0623 To see the making of her carcanet,
0624 5 And that tomorrow you will bring it home.
0625 But here’s a villain that would face me down
0626 He met me on the mart, and that I beat him
0627 And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
0628 And that I did deny my wife and house.—
0629 10 Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0630 Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know.
0631 That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to
0632 show;
0633 If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave
0634 15 were ink,
0635 Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0636 I think thou art an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 0637 Marry, so it doth appear
0638 By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
p.
59
0639
20 I should kick being kicked and, being at that pass,0640 You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0641 You’re sad, Signior Balthasar. Pray God our cheer
0642 May answer my goodwill and your good welcome
0643 here.
BALTHASAR
0644 25 I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome
0645 dear.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0646 O Signior Balthasar, either at flesh or fish
0647 A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty
0648 dish.
BALTHASAR
0649 30 Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0650 And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but
0651 words.
BALTHASAR
0652 Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry
0653 feast.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0654 35 Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest.
0655 But though my cates be mean, take them in good
0656 part.
0657 Better cheer may you have, but not with better
0658 heart.⌜He attempts to open the door.⌝
0659 40 But soft! My door is locked. ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Go, bid
0660 them let us in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0661 Maud, Bridget, Marian, Ciceley, Gillian, Ginn!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0662 Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!
0663 Either get thee from the door or sit down at the
0664 45 hatch.
p.
61
0665
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for0666 such store
0667 When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the
0668 door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0669 50 What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
0670 the street.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0671 Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch
0672 cold on ’s feet.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0673 Who talks within there? Ho, open the door.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0674 55 Right, sir, I’ll tell you when an you’ll tell me
0675 wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0676 Wherefore? For my dinner. I have not dined today.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0677 Nor today here you must not. Come again when you
0678 may.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0679 60 What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I
0680 owe?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0681 The porter for this time, sir, and my name is
0682 Dromio.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0683 O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my
0684 65 name!
0685 The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle
0686 blame.
0687 If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
0688 Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or
0689 70 thy name for an ass.
p.
63
Enter Luce ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesusand his company.⌝
LUCE
0690 What a coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the
0691 gate?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0692 Let my master in, Luce.
LUCE 0693 Faith, no, he comes too late,
0694 75 And so tell your master.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 0695 O Lord, I must laugh.
0696 Have at you with a proverb: shall I set in my staff?
LUCE
0697 Have at you with another: that’s—When, can you
0698 tell?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0699 80 If thy name be called “Luce,” Luce, thou hast
0700 answered him well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝
0701 Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope?
LUCE
0702 I thought to have asked you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ 0703 And you said no.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0704 85 So, come help. Well struck! There was blow for
0705 blow.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝
0706 Thou baggage, let me in.
LUCE 0707 Can you tell for whose sake?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0708 Master, knock the door hard.
LUCE 0709 90 Let him knock till it ache.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0710 You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
⌜He beats on the door.⌝
p.
65
LUCE 0711 What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the
0712 town?
Enter Adriana, ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus
and his company.⌝
ADRIANA
0713 Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0714 95 By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly
0715 boys.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0716 Are you there, wife? You might have come before.
ADRIANA
0717 Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.
⌜Adriana and Luce exit.⌝
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0718 If you went in pain, master, this knave would go
0719 100 sore.
ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
0720 Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome. We would
0721 fain have either.
BALTHASAR
0722 In debating which was best, we shall part with
0723 neither.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0724 105 They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome
0725 hither.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0726 There is something in the wind, that we cannot get
0727 in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0728 You would say so, master, if your garments were
0729 110 thin.
0730 Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in
0731 the cold.
p.
67
0732
It would make a man mad as a buck to be so0733 bought and sold.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0734 115 Go, fetch me something. I’ll break ope the gate.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0735 Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s
0736 pate.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0737 A man may break a word with ⌜you,⌝ sir, and words
0738 are but wind,
0739 120 Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not
0740 behind.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0741 It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0742 Here’s too much “Out upon thee!” I pray thee, let
0743 me in.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
0744 125 Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no
0745 fin.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝
0746 Well, I’ll break in. Go, borrow me a crow.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
0747 A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
0748 For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a
0749 130 feather.—
0750 If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow
0751 together.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0752 Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.
BALTHASAR
0753 Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so.
0754 135 Herein you war against your reputation,
0755 And draw within the compass of suspect
0756 Th’ unviolated honor of your wife.
0757 Once this: your long experience of ⌜her⌝ wisdom,
p.
69
0758
Her sober virtue, years, and modesty0759 140 Plead on ⌜her⌝ part some cause to you unknown.
0760 And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
0761 Why at this time the doors are made against you.
0762 Be ruled by me; depart in patience,
0763 And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
0764 145 And about evening come yourself alone
0765 To know the reason of this strange restraint.
0766 If by strong hand you offer to break in
0767 Now in the stirring passage of the day,
0768 A vulgar comment will be made of it;
0769 150 And that supposèd by the common rout
0770 Against your yet ungallèd estimation
0771 That may with foul intrusion enter in
0772 And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
0773 For slander lives upon succession,
0774 155 Forever housèd where it gets possession.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
0775 You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet
0776 And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
0777 I know a wench of excellent discourse,
0778 Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle.
0779 160 There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
0780 My wife—but, I protest, without desert—
0781 Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal;
0782 To her will we to dinner. ⌜To Angelo.⌝ Get you home
0783 And fetch the chain; by this, I know, ’tis made.
0784 165 Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,
0785 For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow—
0786 Be it for nothing but to spite my wife—
0787 Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.
0788 Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
0789 170 I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.
ANGELO
0790 I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.
p.
71
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 0791 Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
They exit.