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Twelfth Night - Act 4, scene 2
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Twelfth Night - Act 4, scene 2Act 4, scene 2
Scene 2
Synopsis:
Under directions from Sir Toby, the Fool disguises himself as a parish priest and visits the imprisoned Malvolio. In his own person, the Fool agrees to fetch pen, paper, and a candle for the supposed madman.
Enter Maria and ⌜Feste, the Fool.⌝MARIA 2034 Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;
2035 make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate. Do
2036 it quickly. I’ll call Sir Toby the whilst.⌜She exits.⌝
FOOL 2037 Well, I’ll put it on and I will dissemble myself in
2038 5 ’t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled
2039 in such a gown. ⌜He puts on gown and beard.⌝ I am
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2040
not tall enough to become the function well, nor2041 lean enough to be thought a good student, but to be
2042 said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as
2043 10 fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar.
2044 The competitors enter.
Enter Toby ⌜and Maria.⌝
TOBY 2045 Jove bless thee, Master Parson.
FOOL 2046 Bonos dies, Sir Toby; for, as the old hermit of
2047 Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said
2048 15 to a niece of King Gorboduc “That that is, is,” so I,
2049 being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is
2050 “that” but “that” and “is” but “is”?
TOBY 2051 To him, Sir Topas.
FOOL, ⌜disguising his voice⌝ 2052 What ho, I say! Peace in this
2053 20 prison!
TOBY 2054 The knave counterfeits well. A good knave.
Malvolio within.
MALVOLIO 2055 Who calls there?
FOOL 2056 Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
2057 the lunatic.
MALVOLIO 2058 25Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to
2059 my lady—
FOOL 2060 Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this
2061 man! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
TOBY, ⌜aside⌝ 2062 Well said, Master Parson.
MALVOLIO 2063 30Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged.
2064 Good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad. They have
2065 laid me here in hideous darkness—
FOOL 2066 Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
2067 modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones
2068 35 that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Sayst
2069 thou that house is dark?
MALVOLIO 2070 As hell, Sir Topas.
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149
FOOL
2071
Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,2072 and the ⌜clerestories⌝ toward the south-north
2073 40 are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest
2074 thou of obstruction?
MALVOLIO 2075 I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this
2076 house is dark.
FOOL 2077 Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness
2078 45 but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than
2079 the Egyptians in their fog.
MALVOLIO 2080 I say this house is as dark as ignorance,
2081 though ignorance were as dark as hell. And I say
2082 there was never man thus abused. I am no more
2083 50 mad than you are. Make the trial of it in any
2084 constant question.
FOOL 2085 What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
2086 wildfowl?
MALVOLIO 2087 That the soul of our grandam might haply
2088 55 inhabit a bird.
FOOL 2089 What thinkst thou of his opinion?
MALVOLIO 2090 I think nobly of the soul, and no way
2091 approve his opinion.
FOOL 2092 Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness.
2093 60 Thou shalt hold th’ opinion of Pythagoras ere I will
2094 allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock lest
2095 thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee
2096 well.
MALVOLIO 2097 Sir Topas, Sir Topas!
TOBY 2098 65My most exquisite Sir Topas!
FOOL 2099 Nay, I am for all waters.
MARIA 2100 Thou mightst have done this without thy beard
2101 and gown. He sees thee not.
TOBY 2102 To him in thine own voice, and bring me word
2103 70 how thou find’st him. I would we were well rid
2104 of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered,
2105 I would he were, for I am now so far in
2106 offense with my niece that I cannot pursue with
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151
2107
any safety this sport the upshot. Come by and by2108 75 to my chamber.
⌜Toby and Maria⌝ exit.
FOOL ⌜sings, in his own voice⌝
2109 Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
2110 Tell me how thy lady does.
MALVOLIO 2111 Fool!
FOOL ⌜sings⌝
2112 My lady is unkind, perdy.
MALVOLIO 2113 80Fool!
FOOL ⌜sings⌝
2114 Alas, why is she so?
MALVOLIO 2115 Fool, I say!
FOOL ⌜sings⌝
2116 She loves another—
2117 Who calls, ha?
MALVOLIO 2118 85Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at
2119 my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and
2120 paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful
2121 to thee for ’t.
FOOL 2122 Master Malvolio?
MALVOLIO 2123 90Ay, good Fool.
FOOL 2124 Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
MALVOLIO 2125 Fool, there was never man so notoriously
2126 abused. I am as well in my wits, Fool, as thou art.
FOOL 2127 But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be
2128 95 no better in your wits than a Fool.
MALVOLIO 2129 They have here propertied me, keep me in
2130 darkness, send ministers to me—asses!—and do
2131 all they can to face me out of my wits.
FOOL 2132 Advise you what you say. The minister is here.
2133 100 ⌜In the voice of Sir Topas.⌝ Malvolio, Malvolio, thy
2134 wits the heavens restore. Endeavor thyself to sleep
2135 and leave thy vain bibble-babble.
MALVOLIO 2136 Sir Topas!
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153
FOOL, ⌜as Sir Topas⌝
2137
Maintain no words with him, good2138 105 fellow. ⌜As Fool.⌝ Who, I, sir? Not I, sir! God buy
2139 you, good Sir Topas. ⌜As Sir Topas.⌝ Marry, amen.
2140 ⌜As Fool.⌝ I will, sir, I will.
MALVOLIO 2141 Fool! Fool! Fool, I say!
FOOL 2142 Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am
2143 110 shent for speaking to you.
MALVOLIO 2144 Good Fool, help me to some light and some
2145 paper. I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any
2146 man in Illyria.
FOOL 2147 Welladay that you were, sir!
MALVOLIO 2148 115By this hand, I am. Good Fool, some ink,
2149 paper, and light; and convey what I will set down to
2150 my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the
2151 bearing of letter did.
FOOL 2152 I will help you to ’t. But tell me true, are you not
2153 120 mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit?
MALVOLIO 2154 Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true.
FOOL 2155 Nay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his
2156 brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.
MALVOLIO 2157 Fool, I’ll requite it in the highest degree. I
2158 125 prithee, begone.
FOOL ⌜sings⌝
2159 I am gone, sir, and anon, sir,
2160 I’ll be with you again,
2161 In a trice, like to the old Vice,
2162 Your need to sustain.
2163 130 Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,
2164 Cries “aha!” to the devil;
2165 Like a mad lad, “Pare thy nails, dad!
2166 Adieu, goodman devil.”
He exits.